Feeling like you’re batting for a different team these days? Maybe you’re not just catching feelings, you’re catching a whole new spectrum of attraction!
This article goes beyond surface-level discussions. It acknowledges the complexities of self-discovery, the challenges of internalized bias, and offers a supportive voice for anyone questioning their sexuality. It provides a safe space to explore your journey and equips you with resources typically scattered across the web, all in one place.
TL;DR
- Sexuality is a spectrum, not a light switch. It’s okay to be unsure or fluid.
- Internalized homophobia/biphobia can be sneaky. Trust your feelings, not societal labels.
- Explore your feelings at your own pace. Dating can be a tool, but it’s not the only path.
- Resources like therapists and LGBTQ+ organizations can be incredibly helpful.
Hey, I read your article on HOCD and dreams and I am intrigued. I'm a 22-year-old woman, and I've been questioning my sexuality recently. My whole life, I've been attracted to guys, had crushes on them, and always considered myself straight. However, about two years ago, I started having crushes on girls, making me think, "I'm straight, but I'd be gay for her." These girls felt like exceptions. I like men, but if I were to date a girl, it would be a specific one and no one else, partly due to internalized homophobia/biphobia.
Looking back, I realize I might have had girl crushes in high school and college that I didn't recognize as such. Some girls gave me butterflies and made my heart skip a beat, and I'd avoid them because they made me nervous. Yet, I like guys in the same way a straight woman does. I have my preferences, but generally, my attraction to guys is pretty straightforward. Even if I were bisexual, I know I prefer guys. For me, it's like 90% guys, 10% girls. So, does that make me straight? Do other straight people feel like this? Do I have HOCD? Or am I "bi, actually"? If I prefer guys that much, can I even call myself bi and be part of the LGBT+ community? Do I just want attention and to be part of a group? What do you all think?
Hey there, love explorer! It sounds like you’re on an exciting, sometimes confusing, adventure of figuring out your sexuality. Totally normal! Your twenties are a time of self-discovery, and plenty of folks discover their attractions don’t quite fit neatly into a straight or gay box.
So, let’s unpack this suitcase of questions you’ve got. First up, those “exceptions” you mentioned – girls who make your heart do a happy dance? That’s a pretty good sign you might be swinging both ways, or somewhere on that vast spectrum of attraction. And those high school crushes that felt…different? Girl, hindsight is 20/20, and it’s totally possible you were experiencing butterflies for other reasons back then.
Now, about the internalized homophobia/biphobia. Listen, it’s everywhere, sometimes sneaky and subtle. It might make you dismiss your feelings for girls, convincing you they’re “just a phase” or “not real.” Here’s the thing: your feelings are valid, no matter the percentage breakdown! Whether you’re 90/10, 50/50, or somewhere in between, your attraction is real.
Sexuality is a spectrum, not a light switch. It’s fluid and can change over time. Maybe you are 90/10 attracted to men right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t explore that 10% attraction to women. Dating can be a great way to figure things out, but it doesn’t have to be your only path. Reading about bisexuality and LGBTQ+ experiences can be incredibly helpful.
Here’s how to address your burning questions:
- Straight people? Nope, not all straight folks have crushes on both genders. Attraction is a diverse playground, and there’s no one-size-fits-all!
- HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)? This is a serious clinical diagnosis, and it’s best to chat with a therapist about that one. Therapists who specialize in LGBTQ+ issues can be a fantastic resource to help you navigate your feelings (or dreams) and explore your identity to find out if you have HOCD.
- “Bi, actually?” Absolutely! Bisexuality is a beautiful spectrum, and you can totally be part of the LGBTQ+ community if that feels like home. There’s no pressure to define yourself with a specific label, but if “bi” feels right, go for it!
- Attention seeker? Honey, you’re good enough just as you are. Your sexuality is a personal journey, not a social media trend. Trust yourself and your feelings.
Here’s the real key: There’s no pressure to have all the answers right now. This is a journey of self-discovery, and it’s okay to take your time. Explore your feelings, be open to new experiences (if you’re comfortable, of course!), and don’t be afraid to chat with supportive friends or a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues.
Navigating Your Sexuality in an Evolving World: Recent Developments in LGBTQ+ Inclusion
Sexuality is a fluid concept, and the world around us is constantly evolving to be more inclusive of LGBTQ+ identities. Here are a few recent developments that reflect this positive change:
- Major sports leagues embrace LGBTQ+ inclusion: In 2023, the National Hockey League (NHL) partnered with the You Can Play Project to champion LGBTQ+ inclusion in hockey [1]. Similarly, Major League Baseball (MLB) actively encourages LGBTQ+ fan inclusion and celebrates LGBTQ+ history throughout the season [2]. These efforts by major sports organizations show a growing recognition of the LGBTQ+ community and a move towards creating welcoming spaces for everyone.
- Surge in LGBTQ+ representation in media: A 2023 GLAAD report found a significant increase in LGBTQ+ characters on broadcast television [3]. This positive representation not only helps normalize LGBTQ+ identities but also provides relatable characters for young people who might be questioning their own sexuality.
- Growing support for transgender rights: In June 2023, the world’s largest retail corporation, Walmart, announced new gender-inclusive restroom signage in its stores across the US [4]. This move reflects a growing awareness of the needs of the transgender community and a commitment to creating more inclusive spaces.
These are just a few examples, and the landscape continues to evolve. It’s an exciting time to be exploring your sexual identity, and there are more resources and support systems available than ever before.
Sources:
- [1] You Can Play Project: https://www.youcanplay.org/
- [2] Major League Baseball: https://www.outsports.com/2023/5/31/23742374/mlb-pride-night-guide-2023-baseball-lgbtq-rainbow-promotions-sisters-of-perpetual-indulgence/
- [3] GLAAD: https://glaad.org/sri/2023/
- [4] Walmart: https://www.al.com/news/2016/04/what_is_walmarts_bathroom_poli.html
Ready to take the next step? Here are some resources to help you on your way:
- The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ (24/7 crisis and suicide prevention for LGBTQ+ youth)
- GLAAD: https://glaad.org/ (works to accelerate acceptance for LGBTQ+ people)
- Scarleteen: https://www.scarleteen.com/ (sexuality education for teens and emerging adults)
Remember, when it comes to love and attraction, the only box you have to tick is the “happy” one. So, explore your feelings, embrace the journey, and who knows, you might just discover a whole new world (or two) out there! Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You are worthy of love and acceptance, no matter where you land on the spectrum of sexuality.
